Gerald is not easy to buy for. He loves to read, but he’s pretty particular. He’d rather re-read
a book he likes for the fifth time rather than take a chance on a new
author. He’s an avid hunter, but he has
everything he could possibly need to bag the big one. Believe me.
I’ve seen it. All of it. Spread out on the floor of our bedroom the night
before hunting season begins. He likes
to spend time outside, but I’ll leave it to him to pick out his own hiking
boots. Or all-weather hat. Or four-wheeler.
He’s hard to buy for, so after thirteen years together, I’d
pretty much used up all my good ideas.
But one day as I dug through the basket of reading material in the
bathroom (come on, admit it – you have one too!), I found it! I knew exactly what I would get him. I came across a folded mess of torn-out pages
from a magazine. It appears that Field and Stream has set out to educate
our men about everything from gutting a deer to choosing the best fishing hole
to tying the perfect knot. That’s
right. He had torn out pages about how
to tie knots. Clove hitch, bowline,
trucker’s hitch. Then I remembered how
excited he got when his brother gave him a kit containing a little blue plastic
thing-y and a short length of rope you could use to perfect your rope tying
skills. (You see, his brother, Lonnie, is a rappeller,
so it is very important that his knots stay tied. Even though Gerald has never come backward off
the side of a bank building in downtown Huntsville, held only by a rope around
his waist, I guess I can understand that he, too, wants good, strong knots.)
Anyway – I had my idea.
I would find him a nice little how-to book on tying knots. You know - something for the hunter or
fisherman. I began to look online. My simple Google search of “knot tying book”
led me to several websites and magazine articles, but one book kept popping up
– The Ashley Book of Knots by
Clifford W. Ashley. It seems Mr. Ashley
literally wrote the book on tying knots.
It was a great idea. Brilliant! I would buy him the definitive book on knots
and then he could tie to his heart’s content.
Amazon had reprints, but they were nearly $100. You could get an e-book copy for just a few
bucks, but how much fun was that? You
couldn’t hold it in your lap as you tried your knots, or take it with you to
the woods to work with while you waited for a big deer to cross in front of the
tree stand. No – I was going to get the
real thing. But you know me – I was
going to get a good deal on it at the same time. So I turned to my old friend, eBay.
I found several listings, but one stood out. It was a first edition. 1944. Apparently, the first owner (a Mr. Edward E.
Martin, according to the name on the inside cover) had mastered every knot
possible (or died trying) and was ready to part with his beloved copy. Or more likely, Ole’ Ed’s granddaughter was
cleaning out the attic after Ed passed on and figured that there was a sucker
out there somewhere that would pay good money for an old, dusty tome. Enter
me.
I ended up paying about $75 for it. Close to what they wanted for a newer
edition, but can you really put a price on a good idea? I mean it was about tying knots, for Pete’s
sake. And it was a first edition. Enough said.
I PayPal-ed it and it was mine.
It arrived and it was a little dusty.
A tad bit musty, but not to worry.
Just last week I had seen Martha Stewart showing how to restore mildewed
books. All it takes it a wood box, some
sand, charcoal and… Well, surely my
trash bag and dryer sheet would do the trick.
It was nice and clean come Christmas when I wrapped it up
and stuck it under the tree. He’d never
guess what it was. Best idea ever! What would I do next year to top it? Christmas morning came and the kids were
finished opening their gifts and Gerald had opened the requisite shirts, wallet
and cologne. Ah – the piece de
resistance. He opened it and studied
it. “Oh!
A book about tying knots,” he said.
He flipped through the pages and smiled and then put it down. “Open your
gifts,” he said. “Don’t you like
it?” I asked. He assured me he did, but with much prodding,
he finally admitted it was primarily about nautical knots. But knots are knots, I told him. I thought you just liked to learn to tie them,
I said. (Kinda like me and the Food
Network. I mean does he really think
that I ever intend to make my own pâté?)
But apparently, if you can’t use it to tie on a fishing hook, secure a
deer to the back of a rack or somehow save yourself from plunging off a
mountain to your certain and painful death, it isn’t interesting to him. Well, who knew? Obviously, I didn’t.
Did you know a noose is a knot, too? Just sayin'...
The book is now sitting on the bookshelf. I think often about listing it to see how
much I can get for it on eBay, but I just can’t. It was such a good idea. Or so it seemed. Maybe one day, he’ll take up sailing. Or maybe he won’t. (Right now a simple square knot is sufficient
to tie the boat to the dock at the lake.)
Maybe it’ll sit there until I’ve made all the homemade pâté we can
stomach and I decide that I’ll take
up knot tying. Who knows. But it’s there. Just in case any of your husbands want to borrow it.
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I'm so glad you stopped by my neck of the woods!
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I wouldn't want you to miss one crazy thing...
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